Radio Silence

Day 1 on my new journey and it's a whole crazy mix of excitement, pain (literal), hope, and surprising for me, no what ifs?

Probably should back up. Many of you have wondered what was up with the 'radio silence'. Well, and lately, the blog silence. 

Here goes.

It's Monday, November 3, my favorite alarm goes off again at 4:30 after I have hit snooze 4-5 times. I sat on the edge of the bed and realized, I can't do this anymore. I'm exhausted. 

I wake Brian up and with tears running down my face I tell him I can't. My head hurts, I'm tired and it's only MONDAY. He says I need to call my show co-host, Dave, and let him know I'm sick. 

Worst phone call ever. As a morning team show, it's HARD to be able to switch to a solo show. Especially minutes before the show starts. But because Dave is an amazing co-host he says "Take care of yourself buddy. Sorry you don't feel well. I got this!"

That started what I thought was only the day off. And...what has lasted the last seven months. 

And it's been hard. What do you do when you are extremely tired? I don't mean the "Wow! I could really use a nap!"  I mean the "I need to put the clothes in the dryer and I'm not sure if I have enough energy to." Or "I really need to go to the bathroom but it's SO far!!! I wonder how long I can put this off?" Both true. Embarrassingly true. 

Why is that embarrassing? Because people don't understand when you say you are on short term disability because you are extremely tired and have migraines. Usually the migraines they can get.  But the tired? "Uh. I'm tired too. How can I get in on that action?!" Haha. Yep. So funny. :(

And it's so hard to cancel after I hoped and prayed I could keep a lunch date with someone. That is the worst! Or  "Can you help with ______ at church?" YES!!!! I would LOVE to!! But. I can't be depended on right now. I'm so sorry. 

So for a while I've been hiding. Sometimes forced, sometimes by choice. It's just easier not to make the plans then to explain the whole cancellation thing. It's like the small print on a contract. I might be able to come but you need to understand...blah blah blah.... Haha. Not funny? Come on guys! It's 3:15 and I'm writing a blog in my hospital bed!! Lemme have some humor! (Yes I will get to that part.) :)

Ok I'll do it now since you won't hear another word I'm writing until I do. :)

I have an amazing, Godly, Doctor who is also my friend. I would be so much sicker if it weren't for her. She has done a lot for me. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

As the days have gone on and the exhaustion hasn't gone away it finally was awarded a name. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Disease since its now officially recognized in the doctors book thingy (pain meds. lol). And the migraines. There are three kinds that I've been blessed with. 1.) migraines with aura (for me it's like I'm having a stroke with numbness on one side of my body, can't make sense when I talk, etc.)  2.) migraines that last for four days and are resistant to most of my pain meds. Lately injectable imitrex has worked. Yay! Those are killers! 3.) migraines that appear at some point during the day. Everyday. Every. Single. Day. (NOTE: Usually when I explain this to someone they jump in with--"have you tried____?" Most likely yes. And we have already checked for rebound headaches. Longest 8 days of my life. Lol.)

My doctor at an appointment suggested that I have weight loss surgery. When she first suggested it, in my mind I said NO. I've always said I wouldn't do it. My kids would rather have me at any size then no mom. I've tried numerous times to lose weight and well... 

But like I said, I love her. She is my friend. She is a woman of God.  I decided I needed to at least listen to what she had to say. 

And then she said the magic words. 

There is research that a lot of people that have had incurable migraines and headaches don't have them after the surgery. And with the chronic fatigue there is a good chance that not carrying around an extra one hundred pounds is going to give you more energy (What!?! That's crazy!! Ha). Then she said, "Michelle, you know that both of your knees are so bad that the orthopedic  surgeon said he doesn't even want you walking for exercise. This would help you with that too."

Oh. Wow. Yes. I am 43 and need knee replacement surgery for both knees. I'm headed for the operating room at some point anyway. And this one surgery has the potential to help with:

1. Migraines

2. Chronic Fatigue

3. My 80 year old woman knees

The more I prayed about it, the more I knew this is what needed to happen. 

So...here I am. I had the Gastric Sleeve surgery yesterday at about 12:30. It hasn't been too terrible so far. And I'm all in. I've been studying more about nutrition and have amazing advice from friends that have had the surgery already. 

Hear me on this though. There are no guarantees. I may still be exhausted. I may still have headaches. But my knees will still win. I realize all of this. I had to take the chance. 

I had to. For Brian who has stood by me and stepped up and taken care of me and the girls even though he is crazy busy. That man is amazing. For Gabrielle, Victoria, Jocelyn, and Addison. So they don't have to wonder if they get to do something special or will mom have to stay home because she's too tired. And so they don't have to see their mom exhausted in bed or on the couch all the time. 

And for me. God created me to serve Him. I've still been doing whatever He asks me to do from my bed. But, I'm begging Him to send me back to the very front lines. I miss listening to someone telling their story and encouraging them and telling them Jesus loves them while putting my hand on theirs. 

So, I took the chance. I'm all in. And for those that think this is the easy way out? In a little while they will be bringing me three Dixie cups of water. I'm to take three hours to drink all of them. 😏 I haven't eaten since Sunday. No water since Monday night. And then, it's clear liquids to modified liquids for the next eight weeks and 30-45 minutes of good exercise five times a week. But! I'm all in. 

One more thing. I'm totally hopeful about this. But for those of you that want to know what if? I will. Still. Praise. Him. And  do whatever He tells me to do. Happily. It will just be my new normal. He's never led me wrong. 

Phew!! Radio/Blog Silence OVER!!!!

(and out) Haha!!!! 

Love you all dearly!!!!

Michelle