Well, yes. She is. Er--I am. It's happened again. But this time I caught it quicker... ok...backing up.
Last year about this time I was exhausted, my migraines were at an all time high, and I was getting sicker and sicker. After going to the doctor I ended up on short term disability for nine months. It was hard being away from my KTSY Morning Show family. But I knew it was what I had to do.
I ended up having gastric sleeve surgery in June because there was research that showed that my migraines could go away as well as not carrying around an extra 100 pounds MIGHT help with the exhaustion (which ended up being Chronic Fatigue Syndrome).
In August I came back to work and I was so excited! I was feeling great! No headaches! My energy was awesome! But since then, like a bad dream, it's all coming back. I'm not as bad as I was last year, but if I keep going, I will be.
So, with a lot of prayer and consultation, I have made the painful choice to resign from the KTSY Morning Show. Please trust me when I say this is not an easy decision. This is my dream job. With my dream co-host. God brought me to this job and has allowed me to have so much fun and be able to do ministry and I have loved every minute of it! But I feel He is telling me that He has another way for me to do ministry for Him.
Today was my last show with Dave. If you listened, you heard my heart. If you didn't, here's what you missed. I am passionate about Jesus and if I have to praise Him from my bed, I will do that. :) Whatever way He wants me to bring Him glory, I'm going to do it.
Personally? Yes, I trust God. Yes, I know He has a plan. Yes, I know I will be just fine. But I'm sad. I love the morning show. I have been on it with Dave for the last three years and those have been some of my best years in radio. I cried most of the morning because it's done.
I am reciting 'My God shall supply all of your needs according to His riches in glory' like a mantra. :) My kids like to eat. lol. I'm not sure how our budget will balance. We are not extravagant. We live in a modest house and will cut where we can but I still need to make a significant amount of money. And. You may not know this. But. In our house? I AM THE WORRIER!!! Maybe that's too subtle...I am the OBSESSOR!!! lol. This? God is working on with me. :) Again...'My God shall supply ALL of your needs according to His riches in glory'. And I will praise Him. No. Matter. What. We will not starve.
Everyone likes to ask, "Have they figured out what causes your migraines?" No. No answers. They just are. And "What can they do with the Chronic Fatigue?" Nope. No cure. It just is. Managing the symptoms is how it works.
What now? Welp. At this point I will be heard on 88.7 KOAY throughout the Christmas season. That's where we will be playing our traditional worship music while we have Christmas music on KTSY. After that, God willing I will be heard at some point on KTSY and The Bridge (in Twin Falls). I'm not sure when that will happen but I'm not going far away from you. :)
So for now, that's about all I know. Well, and this. I love you all deeply and God loves us and has all of this figured out. And if we could see the beginning and the end, we wouldn't change anything.
Hanging onto what I know and keeping my eyes on Him... Michelle
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Monday, November 23, 2015
For The Love - Chapter 3
For the first part of my life I lived with Jesus in a little box. I believed in Him. I knew He loved me. I figured if I followed the rules He would bless me and I would be ok. And then that was shattered one night when I was eight and a half months pregnant with my second daughter and my oldest was sleeping in her big girl bed.
It was then that my now ex husband announced he didn't want to be married anymore.
How could that happen? I had married a man from my same religion. We weren't unequally yoked. I had followed the rules! And I had said I would never be divorced! My parents had divorced and that was not happening to me. But there I was.
What was I going to do now? A baby on the way and a two year old?
That's when He revealed Himself to me. His true self. Not the one I had made up but the one that is so amazing, and large, and able to care for me, and able to love me and my kids, and to show me that He had this abundant life He wanted me to live. He met me where I was. Broken. Scared. Alone.
And from that is when I was able to see that He had a calling on my life. And that is to teach people that Jesus is real. He is here and loves us so much. We all have a calling and I know that God wants to show us what that is. And once I realized this, even with all of the pain, I wouldn't have changed anything.
And Jen says, when we all take our calling, as broken as it may seem, and put them together we can help each other.
Have you ever thought about your calling? It's what we do everyday. It's not necessarily something big. It can really be anything. But we are all so unique. God is ready to use you. :)
It was then that my now ex husband announced he didn't want to be married anymore.
How could that happen? I had married a man from my same religion. We weren't unequally yoked. I had followed the rules! And I had said I would never be divorced! My parents had divorced and that was not happening to me. But there I was.
What was I going to do now? A baby on the way and a two year old?
That's when He revealed Himself to me. His true self. Not the one I had made up but the one that is so amazing, and large, and able to care for me, and able to love me and my kids, and to show me that He had this abundant life He wanted me to live. He met me where I was. Broken. Scared. Alone.
And from that is when I was able to see that He had a calling on my life. And that is to teach people that Jesus is real. He is here and loves us so much. We all have a calling and I know that God wants to show us what that is. And once I realized this, even with all of the pain, I wouldn't have changed anything.
And Jen says, when we all take our calling, as broken as it may seem, and put them together we can help each other.
Have you ever thought about your calling? It's what we do everyday. It's not necessarily something big. It can really be anything. But we are all so unique. God is ready to use you. :)
Monday, November 16, 2015
For the Love - Chapter 2
Oh my goodness. This girl is too funny! Turning Forty isn't for wimps! If you have the book you will want to read this one. For starters, she is wondering why there are old lady hands sticking out of her sleeves and wondering when that happened. hehehehe.
She wants to educate the 'young things' about turning forty. So, here's what I know about turning forty. Since...well...I've successfully done it. And I agree with what she says too!
Yes. Your brain has worked great. But somewhere along the way it just takes a hiatus. You have no idea why you walked into rooms, what your kids names are that you so lovingly picked out, and when your sweet husband talks to you, he might as well be talking another language for all that you can understand. All while the children you bore laugh at you. (I'm telling you. This woman is hilarious.)
And Yes, you will start avoiding crowds, and loud music, and would rather sit at home and watch House Hunters with your people in your yoga pants.
With all the crazy that happens, there is something awesome that happens around that time too. You start to be ok with you. At least I did. You start to feel like you don't need to keep up with everyone and everything. It's ok to buy stuff off of Craigslist.
Maybe some have that happen sooner. But for me it was a later thing. Jen calls it resiliency. Not needing to have approval all the time. Not caring what people think is so freeing! Jen says:
"By forty you develop resiliency. I needed approval desperately even ten years ago. Criticism crushed me. Conflict paralyzed me. Disapproval evaporated me. Consequently, I took the safest path through every scenario to avoid reproach. As a former approval addict, I would have been shocked to find that to some degree your forty-year-old self won't care much what anyone thinks of you, your parenting, your marriage, your career, your politics, your house, your wardrobe, your hair, your kids, your choices, your church, your dog, your new red gront door, your comfortable flats, your stretchy pants, your daughter's hair, your son's weird interest in vintage ska, your favorite college sweatshirt you still wear, your decision to homeschool/private school/public school, your new resolve to go vegan, your consistent purchase of Lunchables, your decision to work, your decision to quit, your random idea to purchase chickens. It just won't matter. If people don't like it, well, tra la la. It's not that you become unteachable or unleadable or uncorrectable; differing opinions just stop shaking every decision, and critical words won't send you to bed. You develop chops, sister. You're going to love it."
Man is that ever true. I think I'm just more comfortable in my own skin. I'm more ready to just be. It's just more ok to be me I guess. And I wish there was a way to teach this to under forty's? But, I think it's just the way it is. It's a process God takes us thru. Is it that way for you though? Tell me what you think. I don't think I have this whole thing figured out. lol. And by all means, feel free to disagree!
Loving this book!
She wants to educate the 'young things' about turning forty. So, here's what I know about turning forty. Since...well...I've successfully done it. And I agree with what she says too!
Yes. Your brain has worked great. But somewhere along the way it just takes a hiatus. You have no idea why you walked into rooms, what your kids names are that you so lovingly picked out, and when your sweet husband talks to you, he might as well be talking another language for all that you can understand. All while the children you bore laugh at you. (I'm telling you. This woman is hilarious.)
And Yes, you will start avoiding crowds, and loud music, and would rather sit at home and watch House Hunters with your people in your yoga pants.
With all the crazy that happens, there is something awesome that happens around that time too. You start to be ok with you. At least I did. You start to feel like you don't need to keep up with everyone and everything. It's ok to buy stuff off of Craigslist.
Maybe some have that happen sooner. But for me it was a later thing. Jen calls it resiliency. Not needing to have approval all the time. Not caring what people think is so freeing! Jen says:
"By forty you develop resiliency. I needed approval desperately even ten years ago. Criticism crushed me. Conflict paralyzed me. Disapproval evaporated me. Consequently, I took the safest path through every scenario to avoid reproach. As a former approval addict, I would have been shocked to find that to some degree your forty-year-old self won't care much what anyone thinks of you, your parenting, your marriage, your career, your politics, your house, your wardrobe, your hair, your kids, your choices, your church, your dog, your new red gront door, your comfortable flats, your stretchy pants, your daughter's hair, your son's weird interest in vintage ska, your favorite college sweatshirt you still wear, your decision to homeschool/private school/public school, your new resolve to go vegan, your consistent purchase of Lunchables, your decision to work, your decision to quit, your random idea to purchase chickens. It just won't matter. If people don't like it, well, tra la la. It's not that you become unteachable or unleadable or uncorrectable; differing opinions just stop shaking every decision, and critical words won't send you to bed. You develop chops, sister. You're going to love it."
Man is that ever true. I think I'm just more comfortable in my own skin. I'm more ready to just be. It's just more ok to be me I guess. And I wish there was a way to teach this to under forty's? But, I think it's just the way it is. It's a process God takes us thru. Is it that way for you though? Tell me what you think. I don't think I have this whole thing figured out. lol. And by all means, feel free to disagree!
Loving this book!
Monday, November 9, 2015
For the Love - Chapter 1
Unrealistic expectations. I think that's what I would say about this chapter. Jen says,
"Listen to me" No one can pull this off. No one is pulling this off. The women who seem to ride this unicorn only display the best parts of their stories. Trust me. No one can fragment ther time and attention into this many segments. The trouble is, we have up-close access to women who excel in each individual sphere. With social media and its carefully selected messaging, we see career women killing it, craft moms slaying it, chef moms nailing it, Christian leaders working it. We register their beautiful yards, homemade green chile enchiladas, themed birthday parties, eight-week Bible study series, chore charts, ab routines, "10 Tips for a Happy Marriage, " career best practices, volunteer work, and Family Fun Night ideas. We make note of their achievements, cataloging their successes and observing their talents. Then we combine the best of everything we see, every woman we admire in every genre, and conclude: I should be all of that!"
Oh man. I don't think we/I do it on purpose but every time I hear something positive that could help me or my family, I subconsciously add it to the list. And yes. It makes me the crazy mom. Which in turn makes everyone around me crazy trying to make sure mom stays happy. And then, no ones happy so I try to do things to make everyone happy. Um. Yes. I do go to counseling. lol. I'm working on it. :) I told you this would be a journey and invited you on my crazy train ride!
Here's the best part. Jen says,
"We need to quit trying to be awesome and instead be wise. Decide which parts are draining you dry. What do you dread? What are you including for all the wrong reasons? Which parts are for approval?"
What? Freedom from having to do it all? What a great filter to run things thru! And how to put that filter to use? What does this season require of me? Ask God. He's got this. God wants us to have freedom. Especially freedom from guilt. By us putting our expectations in His hands, and letting Him guide us, we can really be free. And enjoy our kids.
I'm working on this. It's true grace.
What unrealistic expectations are you putting on yourself? On your families? Can you imagine God holding His hand out and you putting it in His hand. And if you are like me, it will be several times a day. :) After all...we are a work in process.
"Listen to me" No one can pull this off. No one is pulling this off. The women who seem to ride this unicorn only display the best parts of their stories. Trust me. No one can fragment ther time and attention into this many segments. The trouble is, we have up-close access to women who excel in each individual sphere. With social media and its carefully selected messaging, we see career women killing it, craft moms slaying it, chef moms nailing it, Christian leaders working it. We register their beautiful yards, homemade green chile enchiladas, themed birthday parties, eight-week Bible study series, chore charts, ab routines, "10 Tips for a Happy Marriage, " career best practices, volunteer work, and Family Fun Night ideas. We make note of their achievements, cataloging their successes and observing their talents. Then we combine the best of everything we see, every woman we admire in every genre, and conclude: I should be all of that!"
Oh man. I don't think we/I do it on purpose but every time I hear something positive that could help me or my family, I subconsciously add it to the list. And yes. It makes me the crazy mom. Which in turn makes everyone around me crazy trying to make sure mom stays happy. And then, no ones happy so I try to do things to make everyone happy. Um. Yes. I do go to counseling. lol. I'm working on it. :) I told you this would be a journey and invited you on my crazy train ride!
Here's the best part. Jen says,
"We need to quit trying to be awesome and instead be wise. Decide which parts are draining you dry. What do you dread? What are you including for all the wrong reasons? Which parts are for approval?"
What? Freedom from having to do it all? What a great filter to run things thru! And how to put that filter to use? What does this season require of me? Ask God. He's got this. God wants us to have freedom. Especially freedom from guilt. By us putting our expectations in His hands, and letting Him guide us, we can really be free. And enjoy our kids.
I'm working on this. It's true grace.
What unrealistic expectations are you putting on yourself? On your families? Can you imagine God holding His hand out and you putting it in His hand. And if you are like me, it will be several times a day. :) After all...we are a work in process.
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
For the Love - Intro
I realize I haven't blogged in a while and I should probably update you on my weight loss progress but that is going to have to wait! I am so excited about this new Jen Hatmaker book!
First! I wasn't super excited when I got it. It didn't really think it would pertain to where I was in my life. I mean, the tag line on the book is "Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards". I think I just didn't understand what that meant. Because, lemme tell ya. This girl needs this book!! lol!
Jen says that she is 'Hoping to help lead a tribe that does more healing and less hurting.' She says thats her job. Boy. I want to do that. I feel like I am continually thinking I should apologize for something I did or said. Why? She said it perfectly on the very next page!
"We keep ourselves brutally on the hook, plus our husbands, our kids, our friends, our churches, our leaders, anyone 'other.' When we impose unrealistic expectations on ourselves, it's natural to force them on everyone else. Ouch. That's me.
Can I be brutally honest here? In our house, occasionally I hear from my people. The ones I love dearly. More than life itself. "I feel like I can't do anything right." or "Are you mad at me? Because it feels like you are." And I hate that. I hate that I have tried to make everything perfect. Or my way. WHY?!?!?!?!?!
Hang on. It's coming in the next chapters. Promise. Ok...I confess. I read ahead. I couldn't help it.
So...if you want to continue on this journey with me, come on! Not sure what we will find out about ourselves, but, I can say that we will do it together. :)
Love to you all!
Michelle
First! I wasn't super excited when I got it. It didn't really think it would pertain to where I was in my life. I mean, the tag line on the book is "Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards". I think I just didn't understand what that meant. Because, lemme tell ya. This girl needs this book!! lol!
Jen says that she is 'Hoping to help lead a tribe that does more healing and less hurting.' She says thats her job. Boy. I want to do that. I feel like I am continually thinking I should apologize for something I did or said. Why? She said it perfectly on the very next page!
"We keep ourselves brutally on the hook, plus our husbands, our kids, our friends, our churches, our leaders, anyone 'other.' When we impose unrealistic expectations on ourselves, it's natural to force them on everyone else. Ouch. That's me.
Can I be brutally honest here? In our house, occasionally I hear from my people. The ones I love dearly. More than life itself. "I feel like I can't do anything right." or "Are you mad at me? Because it feels like you are." And I hate that. I hate that I have tried to make everything perfect. Or my way. WHY?!?!?!?!?!
Hang on. It's coming in the next chapters. Promise. Ok...I confess. I read ahead. I couldn't help it.
So...if you want to continue on this journey with me, come on! Not sure what we will find out about ourselves, but, I can say that we will do it together. :)
Love to you all!
Michelle
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